How to book a table in a restaurant - Post Covid-19

The following brief conversation will definitely leave the owners of the restaurant, coffee bar, pub, café etc. in no doubt as to your position


Hi, table for two, please.

Certainly, can I have your name please?

Harry Potter

Great. Do you and your guest have your Covid vaccination passports?

Hmmm well first..Can you tell us who our server will be?

Yes, Ron will be your server tonight.

OK, Can you show us Ron's vaccination passport please?


And also, can you provide me with proof that Ron is not a carrier of any other communicable diseases? Same goes for you and all the kitchen staff.


Also, we would prefer not to be served by someone who is on, or uses recreational drugs such as marijuana, cocaine, meth, fentanyl, etc, so if you could provide us with Ron's most recent tox screen, that would be great.

Matter of fact, I would like to see all of your employees medical history.

Um... Let me get the manager for you.

That would be great, thanks. Make sure they have their vax card and medical records ready please.

Here’s the thing, nobody needs restaurants or other places, but they need us!

So stand your ground. End this totalitarian tyranny before it takes hold.

[Stolen and passed along. We are in for a rough ride on this one.....]

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